Ears up Milka.

Went to the worst wedding I've ever had the displeasure to experience yesterday, and as promised Milka, here is a list of everything that went wrong.

• The bride and groom turned up late.

They had no valid reason to be late. Both bride and groom had turned up to the venue on time, in fact, half an hour before the wedding was to begin, but they both decided to faff around keep all their guests waiting. The groom arrived in a Rolls Royce, and the bride had some sort of a carriage - without horses.

• The food, therefore, was not served on time.

I think they decided to be clever and have a scheduled dinner plan, but that just added to everyones irritation when nothing happened on time. The starter was due at 7:00pm, but was served at 8:30pm instead. This mishap would have been forgiven, if the food had tasted like food (after all this was a Bengali wedding) but alas the chicken tikka tasted powdery and the kebab had a the texture of super blended baby food :(
The main tasted like all wedding mains, nothing special really. The dessert was so awful, it gets its own bullet.

• The dessert looked like orange diarrhoea, with bird poop squirted on top. 

I think it was meant to be Halwa...but it looked like blended Dal, how fyazi looks before you fry it. Bird poop was melted whipped cream. How can it be a wedding without firni?!

• The brides brother was...annoying.

He got up onto the stage repeatedly to irk the audience with his irritating demeanor. With a microphone.

• There were no fans inside a 35degree gazebo.

I spent most of the wedding standing outside looking after any child that would agree to come out and play with me. At one point, I had to drag Waafiq out and force him to go to the toilet so I could leave with someone.

• The catering service hired refused to allow a table to have a large bottle of water.

It surprises me that no one fainted. My head was spinning the whole time.

• No children's entertainment - excluding me.

On the plus side, 

• Enough seating was provided :) 
• The venue was beautiful.
• The groom has attractive friends ;)